I went out with Bel again last night pero this time i felt something different. he was still on his usual self and i tried to be calm and focused but i can't. i dont know if he has noticed it. if he had, he might think i  am getting more attracted to him.

   i became talkative and of course talked a lot, the way i am when i am conscious or something is bothering me. i am not conscious but something really is bothering me.

   i felt there is something wrong between us. and it's killing me that i can't figure out what it is. i was tempted to call my friends and ask for help! Darna!

   maybe it's time to stop seeing him. i tried to think and feel im happy with him but im not. i already ignored jerry because i want to be serious with someone already and jerry isnt the type for "it". good thing, today is Bel's employer's brithday and he'll have tons of work to do hopefully... hopefully... he said he'd try to escape and we'll go out again. what would i say? nde na talaga tama. is he married? is he attached? committed? bakit ganito na lang ang feeling ko na THERE is really something wrong... MAJOR LEAGUE... and the worst... it's getting stronger.

   another good thing, i'll go to dipolog city this week until next week and he'll go to cotabato city. hopefully dun na siya ng matagal na matagal.

   help... i need someone to talk to... i cant understand why im feeling this way right now. i dont know what this feeling is and it's fucking making me crazy.

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   after i posted this entry, i texted my friends about it. Janjan (a guy) replied soonest and said to follow my heart and they will always be there to support me on what or who makes me happy ^^ very touching and i was tempted to reply, how can i trust my heart again when it has led me to a lot of brokenness...

   i was hoping i could learn to like Bel and maybe i'll try again maybe this time, i would. there is nothing wrong with him and he's likeable and maybe hubby materi and he is sharing his plans about his future with me and i could see im included in it huhuhuhuhu what's wrong with me?!

   okay, ill give another chance, baka anxious lang ako or scared again but ill give another chance.

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6:50 pm

   Bel called earlier this afternoon and asked to go out again and i said no. i cant pretend anymore im enjoying his company. tapos na. the end of the chapter in my book na he's included. oh well, yoko lumala ang situation.

   He's not wounded like me so he'll never understand me when the time comes and tinotopak ako. In short, normal siya.