Moving on to my next diary! Yipee! New chapters, new book, new life!

http://diaryofhoney.wordpress.com

   I have never done any new year's resolution before... never... but i want to do now... kelangan eh...

Here are my New Year's Resolutions:

1. Nde na magmumura... ang nakakainis pa all my exes di nagmumura so lalo ako nagiging walanghiya sa kanila... pero yoko na tlga sana magmura punyeta (juk hehehe...)

2. My doctor said i need to lose 5 kilos... kala ba nila madali magpapayat?!

3. I won't let anyone hurt me emotionally again! Ever again! I will wring their necks literally pag may mag attempt... ma-praktis nga yung chokeslam ni undertaker or cane hehehe... any volunteer?kahit pa si karlo...

4. be more cautious on spending my money promise na talaga yan.

5. be bitchier. sometimes we need to be bitchier to survive and get even... (nde kristiyanismo yan honey... - ang aking konsensya)

6. be cool and calm at iwasan na makipagsabayan sa mga hunghang sa kahit saan pa man. sabi pa ng friend ko kung naging lalake pa ako, matagal na akong nasaksak. yoko kasi nung mga sumisingit at epal sa public places. dapat lahat fair sana kung pwede. like nung isang araw sa bus. pinasingit ko na nga ng upo yung mas mataba pa sa akin na babae aba gus2 pa akong iipit kasi gus2 niya makaupo ng maayos. ayun nagmukha siyang tuta dahil abot na nguso at ilong niya sa inis. sobra pinagbigyan na nga gus2 pa lahat ng space punyeta tlga. then last week yung bakla, kahaba-haba ng pila sa counter, nung ako na bigla sumingit punyetang pangit talaga i swear... di ko rin pinagbigyan.. parang gusto ko na at that time talaga tanggalin bayag niya nang maging ganap na babae na siya.

7. maging magalang sa nana nga pala. epal kasi mama ko nakakainis kaya parati slamdunk juk hehehe... nde sabi ko sa aknya labs ko naman xa kaya pinapagalitan ko hehehe baliktad na talaga ang mundo. hay naku nakakapikon kasi pagka epal ng nanay ko. hay naku talaga!

8. set priorities already. wala ako nyan eh.

9. dapat wala nang utang! dapat wala na!

10. di na dapat ma depress forever! patayin ang mga nakakapag depress sa akin pati yung mga tao! ipo-poison ko!

   ill try not to blog for a while and not do most of the things i usually do. i have to detach myself to these things... blogdrive has been driving us nuts but no i wont leave. pagnawala ang blogdrive, di na siguro ako magbblog, im not sure.

   but i need to detach myself from a lot of things and check ano ba talaga gusto ko mangyari? ano ba talaga gusto ko sa buhay ko. i want to go somewhere far where nobody knows me and spends more time with myself into new things ive never tried before. gusto ko na rin ulit magmongha.

   I went out with Bel again last night pero this time i felt something different. he was still on his usual self and i tried to be calm and focused but i can't. i dont know if he has noticed it. if he had, he might think i  am getting more attracted to him.

   i became talkative and of course talked a lot, the way i am when i am conscious or something is bothering me. i am not conscious but something really is bothering me.

   i felt there is something wrong between us. and it's killing me that i can't figure out what it is. i was tempted to call my friends and ask for help! Darna!

   maybe it's time to stop seeing him. i tried to think and feel im happy with him but im not. i already ignored jerry because i want to be serious with someone already and jerry isnt the type for "it". good thing, today is Bel's employer's brithday and he'll have tons of work to do hopefully... hopefully... he said he'd try to escape and we'll go out again. what would i say? nde na talaga tama. is he married? is he attached? committed? bakit ganito na lang ang feeling ko na THERE is really something wrong... MAJOR LEAGUE... and the worst... it's getting stronger.

   another good thing, i'll go to dipolog city this week until next week and he'll go to cotabato city. hopefully dun na siya ng matagal na matagal.

   help... i need someone to talk to... i cant understand why im feeling this way right now. i dont know what this feeling is and it's fucking making me crazy.

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   after i posted this entry, i texted my friends about it. Janjan (a guy) replied soonest and said to follow my heart and they will always be there to support me on what or who makes me happy ^^ very touching and i was tempted to reply, how can i trust my heart again when it has led me to a lot of brokenness...

   i was hoping i could learn to like Bel and maybe i'll try again maybe this time, i would. there is nothing wrong with him and he's likeable and maybe hubby materi and he is sharing his plans about his future with me and i could see im included in it huhuhuhuhu what's wrong with me?!

   okay, ill give another chance, baka anxious lang ako or scared again but ill give another chance.

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6:50 pm

   Bel called earlier this afternoon and asked to go out again and i said no. i cant pretend anymore im enjoying his company. tapos na. the end of the chapter in my book na he's included. oh well, yoko lumala ang situation.

   He's not wounded like me so he'll never understand me when the time comes and tinotopak ako. In short, normal siya.

   pesteng blogdrive e2 biglang nawala letse talaga... imagine dami ko na entries dito. ilang beses na ako nagpalit ng url. kada break-up new url agad hehehe... ilan na ba dumaan na exes kaya binago ang url? 1..2..3..4..5.. sheez feeling maganda...

   well this morning, i woke up and saw my bilbil, my malapad na mukha and all the flaws i could see but i feel beautiful and i see a beautiful person on the mirror looking at me. I believe it is really very important how a person feels and believes on himself that makes him beautiful. Yep, beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder but people can't see the beauty in me if i dont believe i deserve to be beautiful. people can't see what i think i dont have.

   kanina yung buntis sa may counter ng kfc naka sleeveless at tinataas ang kanyang kilikili na tangina saksakan ng itim shet sana naman pag nabuntis aq nde sana ganun as in parang yoko na ituloy order ko sa kfc kasi may chicken skin pa armpit nya yuck talaga sorry... sorry, nag worry lang aq sa akin din since kakaluto este paso lang nya dahil sa aking mga experiments and im so conscious about them matagal na akong di naslesleeveless pucha.

   gusto ko na magpakatino. matino naman talaga ako dati until sunod-sunod ang pagkabroken-heart ko naisip ko tuloy ay ganito lang pala gusto nila edi game! pero siguro dahil matanda na ako, gusto ko na magseryoso ulit. tama na pagpapakyut di naman nakakatuwa talaga, sakit sa puso lang aabutin ko.

   Si Bel... ang pinaka last na tao na maisip ko na sasagutin or maging bf, di ko nga naremember name niya. Kunwari na lang I asked him how to spell his name so I can remember it. We're getting serious. di naman sa di siya lovable, di ko lang siya type physically except for his height na mga around 5'10 ata. aside nun well okay lang. nde ako maganda pero mahilig talaga ako sa mga yummy kaya eto parati heart-broken hehehe. pakialam nila.

   nde naman sa bumaba ang standards ko noh. kaso nde na fafable ang hanap ko or boyfriend material lang kundi yung hubby material na (shet seryoso ka?! what happened to the girl who swear she wont get hitched?! punyeta...)

   nde naman panget si bel ala lang charm hehehe. pero si jerry ang bf ko more than a month na. kaso i think di xa seryoso. tsaka sa kanya na rin nanggaling, open relationship, punyeta eto na naman ako...

   ilan na ba talaga lahat naging bf ko? okay roll-call... take note: alam naman nila na naging kami hehehe

   1. Ariel C. - student body president namin sa highschool 3rd hs kami sinagot ko siya dec 17 (wag na ang taon!) kasi last day sa klase. pagka jan 4 break kami kasi klase na hehehe balik ulit march 27 kasi last day na naman hehehe then june break pero ayaw niya kasi sa besfren ko lang pinasabi na break na ulit kami hehehehe

   2. Eliseo L. Jr.- sinagot ko june 5, di niya narinig so pagkabukas, tinanong niya ako ulit sabi ko sinagot na... so 2x kami celebrate ng monthsary 5 & 6 hehehe... tumagal kami ng more than a year... i broke up with him kasi sobrang babaero di na kinaya ng powers ko. na-karma kay ariel. for 2 years after nun niligawan niya ako ulit kaso yoko na talaga kasi ilang beses na niya ako pinaiyak nung kami pa. naging stalker ko siya so na trauma ako. after 5 years pa ako ulit nagka boyfriend... may asawa na siya.

3. P. Pueblo Jr. (PJ) - 3 years kami. babaero din. habulin ng mga babae at bakla! kahit sa harap ko ang mga haliparot makakapal ang mukha. parang gumuho mundo ko nung nag break kami more than a year pa bago ako naka recover pero after 5 months nung break kami nagka bf na rin ako.

4. E. Macalintal - computer engineer working in a publishing house dati sa qc ewan ko na ngayon. click kami as bestfriends pero nde pala as lovers. nag break kami dahil lang kay spider-man. october pa lang usapan na namin na watch kami sabay nun. next year august, saturday pa siya free eh gusto ko na panoorin. pinanood ko na. di niya ako mapatawad. kahit ngayon frens pa rin kami at sa tuwing tumatawag siya, pinapaalala niya si spider-man 2. pinakita pa niya sa akin ang spider-man watch na libre sa epson na pc niya bagong bili. sabi niya ipapabulok niya kaysa ibigay sa akin kasi alam niya nagko-collect ako ng spider-man. letse talaga. tawag niya sa akin "chocolate". kasi maputi siya morena ako and makulit.

5. R.B. - let us leave him in peace kasi may asawa na. the last time i saw him was last september. labs ako nito kaso nde ko siya sineryoso.

6. Michael M. (MM1)- we call each other "mickey" combination nang michael and honey. sabay pa sila ng birthday ng papa ko. mayabang to super hehehehe. di kaya ng creamsilk sa buhok ang hangin nito hehehe.pero pinaiyak ako ng letse nato super. sobra pa sa ginawa ni PJ. last kami nag usap nung august sa skype na lang kasi nasa usa siya, sabi niya ako pa rin labs niya pero ikakasal na raw siya. tangina mo baka ipasok ko bote ng litro sa pwet mo gagu. gago talaga.

7. Matthew Francis P.- maxadong weird to mag isip huhuhu. virgo kasi. malambing sana kaso di kaya ng powers ko ka weirduhan niya huhuhu. creative on how he expresses his emotions mapapainlove ka talaga kaso masyadong nostalgic na ewan. pero labs ko to pwamis! siya nakipag break kasi daw siya ay isang masamang tao, ay ewan! we still communicate everyday up to now. frens pa rin kami. so labs ko siya in another way na.

8. M.M 2- may asawa na rin to kaya pabayaan na natin. blog addict. morenong intsik. kumusta na kaya siya? antyut pa naman ng baby niya kamukhang kamukha niya at lalake rin. maganda napangasawa niya beauty titlist ata matangkad din like him tsaka maganda nga. eto ang sobra nagpaiyak sa akin. ala pang nakatalo sa powers nito over me hehehehe.

9. Karlo- hay naku ilang entries ba sa blog ko tungkol sa kanya. all have been said tama na. haliparot din to.

10. dondon A- walang kwenta. ilang months lang kami. maxado peste sa buhay. pinagseselosan pati bakla, matatanda at may asawa. kung yoko magpakita sa kanya, umaaligid sa bahay. pinag novena ko kay st jude ayun tumalab hehehe tapos ala pang diskarte sa buhay ang gusto wala na siyang hirap. may plano atang gawin akong martyr na asawa. gusto niya ora mismo pakasal na kami kahit civil na. peste yun pala para mabuhay ko xa. to be fair with, siya nag deposit ng pc ko and siya sana magbabayad lahat. binayaran ko na siya agad ng gastos niya. tinakot pa niya ako dati na magpapakamatay siya at ako sisisihin ng family niya. ako pa tinakot niya sabi ko, sabay na lang kami para masaya, magpapakamatay na rin ako bago ako magkunsimisyon sayo. ayun di niya tinuloy. sabi ko sa kanya baka maunahan pa kita magpakamatay.

11. jerry- old-time playboy at gusto na mag asawa pero ayaw ng anak. baka marami na to anak sa ibat ibang babae. naku, ey gusto ko maraming bata eh. yung tipong araw-araw may nababasag hehehe kasi nagtatakbuhan sa loob ng bahay hehehe masaya yun!

apostoles ata hinahanap ko hehehe... well marami sa kanila hudas hehehe sana ang 12th na ang last...

   nasa akin rin yun at nasa kanya. sana nga seryoso na. gusto ko na mag asaawa and magka babies ng marami. ill give a chance with bel na taga cebu baka pala magwork out. bukas date na naman kami at baka bumisita na siya sa bahay. may ireregalo daw siya sa papa ko... oh well...

   everything happened for a reason and sometimes i dont understand them yet but sooner they will be.

   i never understood before why the date rape happened, karlo came in to my life and other bad things in my life happened but then they all happened for a reason and faith comes when we don't question why but just believe that everything will all be well soonest.

   when dreams were unfulfilled, novels were not read, projects undone, unsuccessful plans, hurtful relationships, everything happened for a reason still.

   these people i met also happened for a reason. they came into my life because of a special reason they or i might find bizaare, corny or funny.

   when people come and fade away in our lives still happen for a reason. when we remember or forget them has also it's own reason.

   and i hope i have a special reason for some people why i came into their lives whether id be remembered or forgotten...

   I met 11 frogs and even kissed some of them thinking they might change into some handsome prince and we would live happily ever after...

   you might be the last but you will definitely be the best from all combined ^^

   hold my hand and promise me we'll watch sunrises and sunsets together, give me my most beautiful smile, give me my loudest and most sincere laughter, give me more tears of joy, give me more reasons to live...

   promise me another tomorrow and i'll promise you forever ^^

     when i lost my job, a lot of friends helped me. these are the people i never expected to. what's great i never even have met any of them yet.

   Leizl

   She is an online teacher too whom I met in skype. She is from Iloilo. She pm'ed me asking some suggestions since she is new to this kind of job. She used to be a medical representative but she professes to love her new job. A young wife and mother of two not to mention a very beautiful lady.

   When I lost my job, she told me God closed a door and will open a new window for me. Joke ko pa, "sis, nde ako kasya sa bintana eh... gusto ko door rin!" I know she prayed for me and recommended me to her Arab employer.

   Angelo

   A native from Butuan City who is currently working in Davao City. I have never met him yet too. He is teaching online and is a stay-in a Korean online company too. He called me last July to ask infos about my previous company who was hiring at that moment.

   My boss was impressed with how he talks, if you can't see his face, you would really assume he's american or a native speaker of the language. we became instant friends since we have the same interests but as of now i had never met him. we used to chat and talk everyday in skype. until i introduced him to my friend caroline. i played a matchmaker. this guy has a very handsome face and my friend is also pretty. However they became enemies and Angelo stopped communicating with me too. After two months, he started chatting with me again weeks before I lost my job.

   When he learnt I lost my job, he recommended me to his employer who offers a low rate pero I really appreciated it so much. I told him I am already employed but I took the job and have late night classes from them. I was their only home-based instructor.

   Another one, Joan, a former officemate in Makati who also recommended me to her employer.

   Now, I am having a hard time how to refuse and say I have already committed.

   And other people I am not sure if they want their names to be mentioned...

At Iba pa...

     Talked to Liezl and she has problems with her marriage right now. Kung kelan pa na I want to settle down na. I mean kung kelan I thought I am emotionally ready about this saka naman natakot ako sa mga sinasabi ni Leizl.

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   My dad loves pork very much. He complains first if we had fish (except for his favorites). However for two weeks now, he cooks only fish for lunch and dinner since consistent na ang loss of breath ko.

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   I am not in the mood for ilang days na and to be honest gusto ko manapak ng tao, yung stranger, yung tipong hindi ako kilala tapos bigla ko nalang sasapukin. Or gusto ko awayin mga bata sa labas namin, yung mga nagpapaputok peste yoko ng paputok eh basta hindi sa araw ng pasko at new year... argh.... parang gusto ko sindihan ang triangle (lang naman!) at ipasok sa mga bibig nila! Natatakot aso namin sa mga paputok nila. Pag nagkataon na nahuli ko sila sa labas ng gate namin angpapaputok, lintik bantay sila sa akin grrrr.... sayang kanina may klase ako hindi ko na sila naabutan... nagpapaputok ba naman sa harap namin mga letseng bata. Yup bata lang sila eh bakit hindi sila magpaputok sa bahay nila?! Ako pag galit wala akong pakialam kung bata o matanda eh. Tsaka blog ko to kaya walang pakialaman.

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natatandaan ko, isang matanda sa department store sumingit, sabi ko nauna ako sa kanya dapat pumila siya. sabi niya wala akong galang sa mga matatanda. sabi ko kasi ayaw niyo naman na galangin kayo. dapat ba igalang yung mga ganyan? ay gumawa kayo sarili niyo department store na kayo lang ang pipila!

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Mainit lang talaga ulo ko. syet.

   i feel great,  sexy, naughty, horny, and happy...

   might be the spices ^^

   maybe life is better than sunshine, just need to have some li'l faith on it ^^

   I'll just cook spicy tuna carbonara and beef siomai and indulge myself in eating again ^^ Mybe invite some friends over tonight or tomorrow and we'll eat and laugh and i'll be okay again...